The Perfect Week - Week 5

I'm not ashamed to say that I've learned all that I need to learn about being a stay-at-home dad now.  The only thing left to do is put it in cruise-control and enjoy the road.  I'm not ashamed to say it, because of course it's true.

The perfect week began with a perfect day to be outside, and so we got in the van, pre-loaded with an arsenal of gear, set our sights on finding some water to play in and then started to drive.

Always Bring a Backpack

One of the best parts of living in Calgary is the proximity to... well... everywhere that's not an ocean.  There's Dinosaur Provincial Park just over an hour east.  Kananaskis, and Banff within an hour west.  A few hours south there is Waterton, and a few hours north there is Edmonton... okay, so there's not that much to the north.  But still...

The boys were content.

"Dad, this is a long way to go for water" says the oldest 20 minutes into our drive.

I'd chosen west, thinking perhaps Bragg Creek or Jumping Pound Creek might suit my fancy.  While  admiring the boys in the rear-view mirror I had also happened to glance at the National Park pass that dangled there like a flacid reminder of once-good-intentions.

08/2012

The expiry date indicating that August 2011 was the last time I had been to the Parks.  "You know what?" says I to myself. "I should really make use of that."  And so we were on our way to Banff.

"Dad, I just wanted to go to the Spray Park" the oldest reminds me.

"We're almost there." I reply, and relative to the size of the country, I couldn't feel guilty for lying...

We made it.  I hadn't been to Banff for a long time.  Parts have changed significantly which meant it was a fresh visit for me, and the boys had never been there which meant the playground held a magical significance for them... even though there is one across the street.

See the thing about being Dad is... half of the job is for the kids, and half of the job is for yourself.  Monday began the perfect week because I did what I wanted to do out of pure selflessness...

You can't top Banff on Monday right?  Well no, you can't.  So I didn't try.

My Aunt brought over the youngest cousins on the paternal side; two mentors of destruction for my two boys; the perfect tandem. She left them here for a few hours and so, like a perfect stay-at-home-dad I took all of them for a walk to the park.  The oldest rode a plastic trike that was 3 sizes too small.  The middle, he took a scooter.  My oldest took his bike with the wonky wheel, I pushed the plastic car with the youngest and the dog was in tow.

Not satisfied with the playground though, we decided we were hungry (like a group of men are wont to be) so off to the grocery store we ambled.  Yes... 5 boys and a dog... Because I'm perfect.

There were an awful lot of grumpy people at the grocery store that day.  And considering the beautiful weather and the timing of our visit, I found it really quite distressing -- all this negativity.

Time found the oldest cousin pushing the grocery cart with my oldest in the seat, while the younger cousin sat in the front of the cart pushing the plastic car with my youngest through the store.  I was at the lead like a disturbingly passive Piper of Hamelin tossing produce and provisions to the pledges behind.

Really it could not have gone more better.  Don't know what all the dirty looks were about...

The oldest really wanted to go to the gym this week.  Which is great for me, and for the boys.  So we went.  Because it was the perfect week I decided that it was time for the youngest to go down the Great Blue Water-slide of Doom.  The oldest had long-since become accustomed to the rarefied air and ritual queuing at the starting gate, not-to-mention the extreme speeds reached on the precipitous drops during the ride.  Plus, he had been begging to go on his own for the past little while.  So... with the slightest of nods from the on-duty life-coach relaxed on her deck chair at the top of this perilous monstrosity, off he went unintimidated, upside-down and backward down the slide; little brother watching anxiously from my arms.

I must now pause to mention that the oldest often gets what he wants because the youngest really hasn't learned to express himself properly.  We don't get much more than *sign for:  Please-feed-me-now or *sign fo:  Yes-that-choice-of-food-is-adequate-the-quicker-you-shove-it-in-my-mouth-the-less-volume-I-will-use-to-emphatically-sign-this... and so lest you should think that I favour one over the other, please remember that the youngest only just learned how to walk and I wasn't about to let him go down the slide by himself just so that things were fair.  I'm surprised you'd even expect that!

Food: The Ultimate Learning Tool

Suffice to say, not only did the oldest live, but he refused to get off the slide at the bottom, much to the chagrin of the now "suddenly-I'm-interested-in-the-welfare-of-the-patrons" slide-patrol.  Like this was my fault -- someone should tell her what a perfect Dad I am.

I found myself by Thursday looking back at the week and thinking -- "well, imagine that, it's Thursday and no one has choked, no one has thrown a temper-tantrum, no one has injured themselves, no mosquitoes have feasted, no sunburns, or goose-eggs.  The diaper-rashes had abated, the teeth had emerged, there were moments of quiet serenity in the house.  What could possibly happen before the Heritage Day Long-Weekend?

Nothing happened.  I went into the weekend having pitched the perfect game, having thrown the proverbial 300, having completed the triple-crown of Daddy daycare.  I rule.

So I took the youngest to visit his great-grandfather in Camrose and left all the diapers, snacks, and toys behind at Ma-Me-O beach.  I could blame it on having Mom around... well actually I can't.

The speed of Bolt during the 100m sprint, or the realization of what was in his pants?
Either way, it was a strange look that afternoon.

That'll learn ya...