The Dadvent Calendar

I got to thinking today, what do we do at home to celebrate the season of advent?  For those that despise the season; how I can make it better for you?  For those that love the season; what can I do to add to your rich and stalwart traditions?

 

by Aesop, on Flickr - some rights reserved

Each year at our house, particularly now that we have young children, our Advent-House makes an appearance.  This is a wooden advent calendar that has drawers in it.  These drawers are meant to be filled with "treats" for the children to enjoy each day leading up to Christmas Day.  No doubt many who read this might share a similar tradition.  Rather than focus on treats though, I really want the advent season to help celebrate our family.

 I've arrived at something I believe to be worthy of sharing.  I call it "12 Days of Dadvent".  Something for Dad to do with his children to celebrate another year end, and bring relationship to the forefront of family life during arguably the most fundamental season for bringing families together (whether they like it or not).

 In order to participate (yes, I am asking you to participate) you don't even need an actual advent calendar.  What you need is a drawer, a shoe-box, a container, or  a pocket and then follow the instructions below.  You might need a couple days to get together your resources, but I promise you they won't cost much (if anything) and they won't be hard to find.

 How it works, in a nutshell: Each day of advent your children will open a drawer, envelope, fireproof safe, containing a surprise.  This surprise might simply be their favorite candy, or it might be one of the following 12 suggestions which they get to enjoy with you during that day!  You'll need to write-down, or print off a list ahead of time to ensure they're in there - if you don't want to go that far, you could just follow @stayathomegang on Twitter, and I'll be posting my advent list tagged #dadvent2012)

My Suggestions

feel free to comment with your own extra-specially great ideas use the comment feed below or add to the conversation on Twitter

1. Cook an extra meal and deliver it - We all know someone, or some family that has had a tough time this year, and could use a "pick-me-up".  Discuss with your children who it might be fun to surprise with a meal, and then (if they're old enough) prepare it with them.  Create a simple card to go with it that says something akin to:  Thought you could use the night off.  Then deliver it, anonymously or as a family.
2. Make a Christmas Card, or write a Christmas Letter - You might want to do this for someone in your life in particular who is special to you and your children, or it might just be something that you mean to do every year and you put off.  Whether it's a letter that you simply write to each other, or it's something you choose to send out take the time to tell someone in your life about the things you've gone through, or are thankful for this year.
3. Go for a walk during the evening - Pretty straightforward, but when it's something that you're children start anticipating through the course of the day it can quickly become something bigger than "just another night to walk the dog".  Around here, there's all kinds of reasons to be out at night during the winter.
4. Video yourself singing Christmas Songs - Whether you post them to your social network of choice or just watch them over and over yourselves a family that sings together laughs together.  And who doesn't want a family who laughs together?!
5. Make a Gingerbread House (if ambitious, do it from scratch) - There's something about bringing together baking with building.  This activity is both frustrating, and at times hugely rewarding but more importantly it is an activity that requires many hands, and time together.  If you're a stay-at-home or you're just looking for something to do in the evening this is an activity that can highlight strengths and weaknesses and helps celebrate each other.
6. Go to a Seasonal Event - There are lots of artists and venues out there hosting holiday events during the weeks leading up to Christmas.  Why not spend some time as a family choosing one at random and trying it out?  Many are free, and many you won't try otherwise so why not pick one some morning and book the day/evening off to go and take it in?
7. Cuddle up with a good old Christmas Movie - I am nearing the end of #noTVnovember and realizing the joy that a good old family movie night can bring.
8. Learn about a Christmas Charity - Notice I didn't say donate?  Sometimes learning about charities can be as important as choosing one to support.  Do this together.  Let your children lead the discussion.  Enjoy the time poking around at the organizations that are active this time of year.
9. Do something on your "Honey-Do-List" - Your children will love discovering that their treat of the day is to watch Daddy have to do some menial job that needs to get done, and they can put their feet up an enjoy the sweat and frustration as he tries to patch that hole, paint, or repair.  We've all got chores hanging over our heads, whether it's finally stripping the beds to do the sheets, or dusting the baseboards there is some odd job that you can all do together, ideally to blaring music that the advent calendar has instructed you to do.
10. Take a funny Family Portrait - if you're a stay-at-home then send it to your spouse at work.  If you're up to it, post it publicly for all to laugh at.  If not, just enjoy it at home.
11. Decorate a room - No doubt you have extra christmas lights, or decorations, or oddities and knick-knacks that you wouldn't put out publicly.  Get the kids together and choose a room that you can all decorate together.
12. Read about Christmas - It turns out there's a lot of history about the Christmas Season that the common layperson doesn't know.  I know this because today while I researched the tradition of advent (a tradition I've followed for years without asking why) I found out all kinds of great stuff that I didn't know -- for instance why Shakespeare wrote "12th Night" and how it is (or isn't) related to the 12 days of Christmas.

So there you have it; 12 days of Christmas Advent where you can spend some QT with the family and look like a super-dad while you're at it.  And that's why I call it "Dadvent".

In This Episode...

If you read this blog, and you must, because you are... whatever, my last post was about turning off the television for the month of November.  And we have... I mean we did.  I mean we are... what do I mean?  I didn't really think about how many ground-rules would be required ahead of time:  Is Netflix in-bounds, what about TV apps on the iPad, how much iPad constitutes a table-addiction, can we watch YouTube?  What if we rent a movie?

Add to that the toddler had a tooth-ache (okay a four-molar-alarm that required medicinal intervention) and a ridiculous dump of snow during a cold-snap and it was starting to feel like my TV moratorium was poorly timed.

But so was Sandy.  With all disasters comes a lack of timing, or rather, what time is the right time to have a disaster?

I lament.

And I shouldn't!  It's been good.  No, it's been great.  Well mostly great.  It's alright.  It's going fine.

This was the 1YO BEFORE the TV went off...

We're half way there right?  Are all months this long?

Enough of the side-talk, here's the deal.  I've learned some stuff already.

1.  TV can be therapy for stressed adults:  There is an onset of anxiety as one faces the prospect of an evening at home without the ability to disappear into suspended-disbelief with some reliable characters who have become replacements for our friends and community.  Thank goodness our mobile devices afford us the same distraction  (As our hands literally go numb from holding them too long).  At the same time my wife and I have had to turn to other things for therapy.  Sometimes it's even each other.

2.  A toddler's brain is much more plastic than mine:  It took but one day for the irritating nagging from my 3YO to turn on a movie, or a show for him was replaced by the beautiful requests of a regenerated 3YO boy who wants to explore his own creativity.  His one-liners have been captured on Twitter (#noTVnovember).

3.  Productivity in the rest of my life is directly related to productivity of my evenings:  Once I get the hang of finding things to motivate me to do the things on my to-do list then I start my to-do list earlier, and finish things more effectively.  In fact, much of my to-do list is finished prior to starting dinner, which means after dinner I find myself lacking things to-do... oops.  Maybe you find it easy to find ways of washing the carpets, reorganizing the junk-drawers, framing and hanging photos, rematching bags of 'lost' socks, and tightening toilet-seals, but before the TV went off these are things I "just couldn't get to".

4.  Even though our brains aren't as plastic... adult too can benefit from a vigorous reversal of the creativity dampening brought on by photon bombardment.  Case-in-point:

The Basement Campsite.

I have had the tent up in the basement for a while, mostly to air it out and double check that the seams are still good, because it's too small for the whole family now, and who the heck has time to go back-country anyway...  So I promised the 3YO on a whim that we'd set up a campsite a while back.  This past week we did it.

You don't need much, just some imagination, some time, and some eager toddlers.  We took down our Hallowe'en lights and put them in an upside-down milk crate for a campfire.  Nearby drum-sticks made grade false-kindling and the hula-hoop we've never used forged a perfect pit.  The lawn chairs came out of winter storage, and the plastic picnic table from the yard was brushed free of ice and deposited near the tent.  Some sheets and table cloths provided ample 'foliage' to create a back-drop and the pool-noodles double as amazing roasting-sticks.  A little background music provided by the Nature-Sounds playlist on Songza, and we had ourselves a retreat...  We've spent hours now, hiding from Augustus Gloop and trying not to fall in the Chocolate River (arrived at solely by the 3YO I promise you) and searching for animals with our plastic binoculars.  The tent doubles as a great wrestling mat, and the old toddler tunnel gives us great protected access to our new home in the basement.

Lest you think no TV only works for creatively-stunted Dads; Mom recently endeavored to design and create a new bed-spread for the boy complete with stenciled letters and airplanes to match the theme of the eldest's room.

Though the idea was sparked over a year ago, the impetus to follow-through only happened this week.  And the look of joy, and sheer excitement from the boys as the stencils were peeled back today was enough to make all the frustration of not being able to turn on the television during those tough times worth it.

Some might ask, "Do you actually miss anything?"   I'd argue I was missing more before it went off.

No TV November

I pledge to turn off the television for one month.

I'm going public with this, because I know there are others out there that need this.  They need to join my anonymous support group for TV addicted stay-at-home parents and they need to STOP, cold-turkey, today.

--Plus my wife won't let me do, "No-Shave November" (or more colloquially; "Movember"*) because my beard is ugly and scratchy.  So this is my compromise:  She, and the rest of my family are OFF TV until December 1st.

No, I don't believe it can be done.  No I don't believe you're an awful failure of a parent if you can't do it either.  I'm just saying let's try this together, and do it for our prostates... and if you don't have a prostate, do it for my prostate.  Actually that just sounds weird... just do it for fun... because you hate your life, and you want to make a positive change for your family... and there's no hockey anyway.

Listen-- in the masochistic world of stay-at-home parenting there are some tried and true methods of escape.  

First and foremost, it seems, is the television.

Though for many years the television was my humble adviser, my gracious friend, my companion and my confident, years later I look back and see the shallowness and contrite nature of our relationship.   Sure it  carried through on its promise of hours of entertainment.  Yes, it showed me the world as I longed to see it, it filled me with hope of a new and amazing tomorrow, and promised an amazing new car and shoes that would help me to fly.  But it didn't tell me I was going to have to get off the couch and work for it, it just came at me with more and more interesting flashing lights and loud noises.  (A man's arch-nemesis -- watch for my blog on why a man can't pay attention to you at a bar...)

So there might have been a time when I would shake the hands of the inventors of the original home-television sets, and said,

"Well done.  I shake you warmly by the hand.  Your work has brought joy to our homes particularly around the dinner hour when my young family can be distracted from sitting side-ways in their chairs, flinging potatoes into the air, and smearing tomato sauce onto their clothing.  Finally there is an escape offered after a long day at the factory."  

Now I simply wish to shake these geniuses, and yell:

"For the love of all that is good and holy, please do not submit the world to this plague.  You have no idea the reality you will forge with the phosphorescent demon of nature!"

Let me explain:

As October turned cold this year, and the positive physio-emotional response to being a new stay-at-home parent started to wane, the poisonous and addictive affects of the television-drug began to do its work.

If you don't relate to this affliction already then let this serve as a warning:  You will tell yourself, "I'll just let them watch 10 minutes in the morning before breakfast.  My kids are not going to be raised by television like I was." and you feel good, you feel real good because the one year old is not screaming for yogurt and the three year old hasn't yet destroyed the house.

It's a high.

It's a horribly wonderful high that, like the morning coffee, becomes less and less effective the more and more you abuse it.  Soon those ten minutes are just not enough to combat those bleak, dark mornings of late-fall.  Ten turns to twenty, twenty to forty, and pretty soon you're back on the television train and there's nothing you can do about it.

Sure you can turn it off by 8, maybe 9am.  Sure you can stop anytime you want to.  But do you want to?  Do you really want to leave it off when the 1YO is napping, the 3YO is not, but Netflix is calling to him saying, "I have Mighty Machines... Big and Mighty Machines..." and in that beautiful whine he's saying, "Daddy can I watch a movie now, please... I don't want puzzles... I don't want to do colouring... I don't want to paint... I don't like it outside... I don't think you're a very good parent anymore, I'm going to tell the next stranger I see that you abuse me and then the police are going to take you away to jail because not letting me watch TV is illegal..."

The time has come to take a stand-- To enter "the program" and get off the glow.  What started as a summer for exploration, enjoying the outdoors, frequenting the zoo and the playground, by the end of October, now looks like an advertisement for comfortable furniture.  Enough is enough, and I don't care what episodes I am going to miss, I am going OFF the sauce!  AND no matter how painful it may become, my kids are too.

If you believe in what I'm saying then make your pledge in the comment feed below.  I will be there for support; updating my status, and adding some pointers along the way @stayathomegang on Twitter #noTVnovember.  Let me know how it's going for you!

PS.  If I do make it through this and you don't... well I only have a low-grade addiction as my house has no cable so in theory this should be easier.

And for my next trick I'm going to go off the internet.  I'll call it "DSL-free December".  Just so you know I've already started cutting down, and this post was written by hand.

Footnotes:

*No Shave November is a solidarity movement to raise funds and awareness of men's-health related issues. Men grow the most offensive facial hair they can for one month, and a few of them get sponsors who support them in this.  I've heard it all started with a group of Finnish lumberjacks who got lost in the woods of Eastern Alaska in the 1950's during the month of November and one of them got Testiculitis or something.

**No beards were shaved during the writing of this post.  Well, here anyway...