The Dadvent Calendar

I got to thinking today, what do we do at home to celebrate the season of advent?  For those that despise the season; how I can make it better for you?  For those that love the season; what can I do to add to your rich and stalwart traditions?

 

by Aesop, on Flickr - some rights reserved

Each year at our house, particularly now that we have young children, our Advent-House makes an appearance.  This is a wooden advent calendar that has drawers in it.  These drawers are meant to be filled with "treats" for the children to enjoy each day leading up to Christmas Day.  No doubt many who read this might share a similar tradition.  Rather than focus on treats though, I really want the advent season to help celebrate our family.

 I've arrived at something I believe to be worthy of sharing.  I call it "12 Days of Dadvent".  Something for Dad to do with his children to celebrate another year end, and bring relationship to the forefront of family life during arguably the most fundamental season for bringing families together (whether they like it or not).

 In order to participate (yes, I am asking you to participate) you don't even need an actual advent calendar.  What you need is a drawer, a shoe-box, a container, or  a pocket and then follow the instructions below.  You might need a couple days to get together your resources, but I promise you they won't cost much (if anything) and they won't be hard to find.

 How it works, in a nutshell: Each day of advent your children will open a drawer, envelope, fireproof safe, containing a surprise.  This surprise might simply be their favorite candy, or it might be one of the following 12 suggestions which they get to enjoy with you during that day!  You'll need to write-down, or print off a list ahead of time to ensure they're in there - if you don't want to go that far, you could just follow @stayathomegang on Twitter, and I'll be posting my advent list tagged #dadvent2012)

My Suggestions

feel free to comment with your own extra-specially great ideas use the comment feed below or add to the conversation on Twitter

1. Cook an extra meal and deliver it - We all know someone, or some family that has had a tough time this year, and could use a "pick-me-up".  Discuss with your children who it might be fun to surprise with a meal, and then (if they're old enough) prepare it with them.  Create a simple card to go with it that says something akin to:  Thought you could use the night off.  Then deliver it, anonymously or as a family.
2. Make a Christmas Card, or write a Christmas Letter - You might want to do this for someone in your life in particular who is special to you and your children, or it might just be something that you mean to do every year and you put off.  Whether it's a letter that you simply write to each other, or it's something you choose to send out take the time to tell someone in your life about the things you've gone through, or are thankful for this year.
3. Go for a walk during the evening - Pretty straightforward, but when it's something that you're children start anticipating through the course of the day it can quickly become something bigger than "just another night to walk the dog".  Around here, there's all kinds of reasons to be out at night during the winter.
4. Video yourself singing Christmas Songs - Whether you post them to your social network of choice or just watch them over and over yourselves a family that sings together laughs together.  And who doesn't want a family who laughs together?!
5. Make a Gingerbread House (if ambitious, do it from scratch) - There's something about bringing together baking with building.  This activity is both frustrating, and at times hugely rewarding but more importantly it is an activity that requires many hands, and time together.  If you're a stay-at-home or you're just looking for something to do in the evening this is an activity that can highlight strengths and weaknesses and helps celebrate each other.
6. Go to a Seasonal Event - There are lots of artists and venues out there hosting holiday events during the weeks leading up to Christmas.  Why not spend some time as a family choosing one at random and trying it out?  Many are free, and many you won't try otherwise so why not pick one some morning and book the day/evening off to go and take it in?
7. Cuddle up with a good old Christmas Movie - I am nearing the end of #noTVnovember and realizing the joy that a good old family movie night can bring.
8. Learn about a Christmas Charity - Notice I didn't say donate?  Sometimes learning about charities can be as important as choosing one to support.  Do this together.  Let your children lead the discussion.  Enjoy the time poking around at the organizations that are active this time of year.
9. Do something on your "Honey-Do-List" - Your children will love discovering that their treat of the day is to watch Daddy have to do some menial job that needs to get done, and they can put their feet up an enjoy the sweat and frustration as he tries to patch that hole, paint, or repair.  We've all got chores hanging over our heads, whether it's finally stripping the beds to do the sheets, or dusting the baseboards there is some odd job that you can all do together, ideally to blaring music that the advent calendar has instructed you to do.
10. Take a funny Family Portrait - if you're a stay-at-home then send it to your spouse at work.  If you're up to it, post it publicly for all to laugh at.  If not, just enjoy it at home.
11. Decorate a room - No doubt you have extra christmas lights, or decorations, or oddities and knick-knacks that you wouldn't put out publicly.  Get the kids together and choose a room that you can all decorate together.
12. Read about Christmas - It turns out there's a lot of history about the Christmas Season that the common layperson doesn't know.  I know this because today while I researched the tradition of advent (a tradition I've followed for years without asking why) I found out all kinds of great stuff that I didn't know -- for instance why Shakespeare wrote "12th Night" and how it is (or isn't) related to the 12 days of Christmas.

So there you have it; 12 days of Christmas Advent where you can spend some QT with the family and look like a super-dad while you're at it.  And that's why I call it "Dadvent".

10th Anniversary - Week 6 through 8

I didn't feel much like a Stay-At-Home Dad the past few weeks because I had a lot of help, and we didn't exactly stay at home.

Ready to Go! (First picture with new camera)

My wife and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary (and our 14th year together!).  In honour of this special event I purchased her a new DSLR and planned a vacation.  The camera is an obvious choice (Nikon D3100) but you're probably thinking that planning a vacation is not all that special.

Although the last time I did that for her, it was our honeymoon, so I thought it was pretty significant.

Which brings me to

FAIL #1:

Planning anything with two active toddlers.

Organizing Toddlers...

If you have found yourself at home with two active toddlers, and you're thinking to yourself I'd like to surprise my spouse with something really special that will require some sit-down, organizational time and planning.  May I suggest hiring a baby sitter?  It really wasn't too bad... but it wasn't like it used to be that's for certain.  Thankfully, and for a change, I started months ahead of time, but the week of packing was the most difficult.

It took two days to pack the van, organize the food, complete the laundry and ensure that the list of items to take was complete.  We were leaving for fourteen days so it was important to be thorough.  Which meant that the boys either had to play IN the van while it was being packed, or they had to play IN the suitcase while it was being packed.

It happened though, and we didn't leave anything or anyone behind.

Learning to Read

You're anticipating FAIL #2 aren't you...

You're thinking that long road trips with two kids under four might be too much.  They're actually much better than you think.  We left on a Thursday night and only traveled about four hours from home.

The oldest walked into the roadside motel room (booked on Priceline) and exclaimed "Oh WOW!  This is great!  I really like this Daddy!  They have TWO beds!"  and I said, "Boy, that's exactly how a holiday should start, I now think this place is awesome too!"

FAIL #2

Be consistent.

Bedtime Olympics

The hardest part of the road trip was not the road, but the sleeping arrangements.  For the first four days of the trip the boys had to make a bed in a different place and it was interesting to hear the oldest bubble about how great the trip is, and every night pine for home.  It's a hard predicament; to want to make it all the way out to Vancouver Island from Calgary, see friends on the way, and do it in an efficient but effective manner.  Had we to do it over again I think we might have cut the drive to Whistler out of the trip to let the boys find a  place to set up for two days.  I think two days is all it takes, but a change every night is hard on them.

FAIL #3

You will never fit it all in.

Sorry Hendriks, we didn't get out to see you because you live further away than it looks like on a map of Canada.  The struggle with any big trip to places where you have friends is how do you fit all of it in, and maintain some sanity.  If people can't come to you, which often they can't, then you have to go to them.  If you're always going then you never truly find a rest which is what vacations are supposed to be for, right?

Relaxing Breakfasts

This fail is really only a pseudo fail though, because at the last minute we cancelled plans to travel too much once we got to Comox, and we cut our losses and chose a home near the water to set up shop for six days. By the end of the second day we no longer heard, "can we go home now" from the eldest.

For the Love of the Cowpoke

Part of the trip was for Andrea to see her friends too... It's not ALWAYS about me and the boys, and so we spent some time with our Military connections in Comox (all originally Calgary connections).  These times let my wife out thrift-shore shopping, evening gossip on the harbour, and beach dwelling with friends.

Spray Park Shenanigans

And why would you want to go home?!  The Island is so -- well there's a reason people retire there.  Not a day wasn't filled with some adventure, there is so much to do, and so much to see...

Comox

Lookout

FAIL #4

BC Ferries 

BC Ferries

These will remain a bane in anyone's travels not because of the BC Ferry itself, but because you just never know what is going to happen when you get there.

Attempt number 1: 

a) No Reservations - Justification:  we might want to spend an extra day in Whistler after we get there.  Prediction came true, so I look smart.
b) Wake up early enough to make the 10am sail - Justification:  We'll have lots of time to settle when we get to Comox.  Prediction came true, so I look smart.
c) No Alarm - Justification:  I have two kids under 4, who needs an alarm to get up early.  FAIL: Blackout curtains and late nights mean sleep in mornings for all.  I look like an idiot rolling over at 10 after 8 saying, "everybody up, we were supposed to leave a half hour ago!"

We made it to the ferry just in time... to sit at the ticket window because they'd closed the line ups one car before us.  Stress and anxiety abound for about ten minutes when the next sail opened up.

Unanticipated lucky break:  I didn't realize that you don't reserve every sail, and there was a boat leaving immediately after the one that I thought we'd missed.

Hunter Gatherers

Attempt number 2:

a) Reservations - Justification:  we need to be in Abbotsford by 3:30pm on a Sunday for dinner with relatives.  This is true, the extra money to reserve was worth it.
b) Wake up early enough to leave Comox to get to Nanaimo at least 30 minutes before sail to make the reservations.  This is true, we were good.
c) Plant a tree - When staying with people who have no kids for six days, no matter how much they love your kids, buy them something significant to remember why they never want to do that again...  then plant it.  Gift was well received but it pushed back the schedule
d) Buy gas - You'll need it to get to the Ferry.  This is true.  You won't look like a failure if you run out, no matter how expensive you think it might be on the Island.
e) Don't tell your wife what time you need to be at the Ferry - Justification:  she'll just start stressing if she knows that you're starting to run late.  This prediction is true, but can come back to harm you later.

Unanticipated Hiccough:  Simon gets sick on the way out of Comox all over the back seat.  It takes 20 extra minutes to clean up, and we're already late.

We made it to the Ferry (2 minutes late for the 30 minutes ahead of time) but there was a snafu with the ferries and there were traffic managers out in vests directing cars to proper line-ups.

"Do you have a reservation?" she says
"Yes" exclaims I, smirking and feeling smart.
"What time?" says she.
"Why 12:55 of course." replied confidently
"There is no 12:55" curtly responded
"Then 10 after 1?" I shrug
"You can't reserve that sail" she says.
"But I did!" starting to sweat "Maybe it could be 3?" I panic.  "I don't know let me find the reservation..."
"Here's your ticket for the line-up" she says. "If you figure it out, perhaps they'll let you pull out to the front."
"Thank you" I swallow all pride and start to drive.

And 500 cars later we're on the outskirts of Nanaimo wondering what is wrong that we're all the way back here.

STRESS.  ANXIETY.  DISAPPOINTMENT.

I pull out to speak to another traffic agent:

"Hey, I have a reservation here, it's for 12:15.  We were put in the wrong line up"
"Too bad"
"Pardon me what?!"
"You have to be in the line a half hour ahead of time.  You must be late"
"But I wasn't..."
"You're late.  If you're lucky you'll make the 3 o'clock sail."
"but..."
"get it line please"

STRESS. ANXIETY. DISAPPOINTMENT.

Wife: You idiot.
Me: Yes.
Wife: I'm going for a walk.
Me: Please talk to another agent.
Wife: Fine.
Me: I'll send a text saying we may not make it.

She leaves...

And comes back with a young male traffic attendant who seems extra eager to help this sexy blonde find a way onto the ferry.  He seems taken back when he arrives at the window of the van and she's married with kids.

"I'll radio ahead" says he.
"And you think we can get on?" says I.
"You should be good to go.  You have five minutes before it sails.  GO."
"Thank you." I blurt. "It is so good to know that men's chivalrous inclinations to save damsels is not only still alive and thriving but my wife is still classified as a damsel."

Okay, I didn't say that, but I thought it.

We were the last on the boat.

RELIEF.

Almost home.

Yard Party

Visiting family is always worth the extra effort, and ours is no different.  We arranged with our friends to meet them back at their place in Chilliwack that evening and have one last "Drink in the Hallway"... that's a story for my wife to tell though.

And then we were off to Sicamous for our last two days on the road, and some peace and tranquility... just need to find my wallet... yep, no I'm almost ready to go, but can't find my wallet... no I'm sure it was in the van... did you move it last night... no... no I know it goes in here... did you lock the van... can we look inside again... where's my wallet...

STRESS. ANXIETY. DISAPPOINTMENT.

A comedy of errors led to my wallet being left in the console of the van, the van being uncharacteristically left unlocked, and a errant traveller happening by early in the morning finding that luck had changed...  Fortunately we knew it was stolen because it was being used in Chilliwack as I was on the phone with the bank.

Sans an identity, and without cash we left with our tails between our legs feeling stupid and taken advantage of even though we realized that we had won the "stupid errors add up lottery".  I'm still sorting this one out today...

It was a sour end to the vacation.  And a FAIL we can learn from... but just outside of Salmon Arm there's a phone call that wasn't from the RCMP.  It was our friends from Calgary who just happened to be staying at the same Owlhead Creek B&B that we were going to!

Riding a Horse

Riding Paisley

Guidance

So basically every day of this holiday my boys had someone to play with, and we had other adults around.  Who planned this holiday?  (Have I mentioned I'm perfect?)

All gifts, failures, and moments of stress aside some of the best conversations we have is on the road, and this holiday we focused on one year of our relationship for every day of our travels.  That might have been the best celebration of 10 years we did.  Day one we spoke only of 1998, and by day 14 we opened up 2012. (We actually didn't have much to say about the last five years since it was all so fresh there was no point trying to relive them)... Overall, we realized how much of life we've shared, how much has changed, how much we cherished, and how neither of us can remember 2003.

10 Years More... at the Black Fin Pub, Comox BC

Fighting the Bad Guy - Week 3

Into the third week I realized that my WonderKit task list was being ignored.  I had figured out my daily routine and only needed to pull it up now and again to remind myself how easy it is to think you're getting it all done only to realize the three things you've forgotten you had to do... it's just like a real job!

So I joined Instagram.  Also...

I'd moved on to this "Self-Help" app called "SuperBetter" that puts everything necessary for a happy healthy lifestyle into the form of a video game.  Very cool idea... worth looking up.  It's most fun looking at your procrastination, disorganization, and electronic-distraction as fighting bad-guys...  this week certainly illustrated how I am definitely the villain in my own story.
Monday was fun.  Full of failures but us men bonded...

Since then it's been pretty fun-filled.  A quick trip to the electronics shop for a sheepish return; "why?" they ask -- oh because it was too expensive for my DW to handle... you know how it is... chuff chuff... deep shame..."

By Wednesday I was getting tired of Evan asking "are we going to Grandpa's house NOW?" and answering, "No, Wednesday Evan, that's ______ days from now..." "Why?" "Because Grandpa has work to do..." "But why?"  "Oh, right, you don't know anything do you..."

So we went to Grandpa's house and enjoyed the sunshine, the mock-pool and some pancakes done on the BBQ.  I'll leave that one for you to imagine.

By Friday we had been back to the zoo -- the penguins were at their best.  Our friend Kare providing accompaniment and some fresh excitement about being back at the zoo.  She bought us a snack to cool us down under the sun... forgetting that the oldest doesn't like chocolate (I know, right?!) we let him try a pickle-on-a-stick... well - more like a large-brined-cucumber... this thing weighed more than 2 pounds easily.

He wasn't really too happy with that so we laughed and Aunty Kare bought him a popsicle.  I ate the pickle. I got a tummy-ache... I regretted eating the pickle at roughly 2am.  But it was worth the laugh.

We did get a morning with Mom down town which was a huge highlight for everyone, and every-so-often the boy slows down and just reads to himself. I have proof.

But as I watched the youngest do a header down the back stairs yesterday I realized that I've got a long way to go...

PS:  Big thanks to my father-in-law and his friend Morris for fixing the brakes in my car, and watching the boys while I finally got to the hair-cut issue...

So why was Monday so epic?  I didn't have any pictures to go with it, so I saved the best for last...

In week 2 I had purchased a stereo for the living room under the guise that it would improve our lives immensely to have measurably excellent sound emanating from a central location/gathering point within our humble abode.  And we all know that goes. Well...

After she got past the sheer immensity of a 12" sub-woofer, and I had convinced her that the 80's had not called and asked for their receiver back we had but to wait for my three channel bar-speaker to arrive on special order so I could get it all set-up.

Monday night I got the phone call, by 10pm I had it set up and we sat down to watch some high-def Netflix and... it... was... underwhelming.  I was certain that when I showed how you can run video through an audio receiver, and how their is an iPod remote that controls the system, and that you can watch one thing on the t.v. and listen to another thing elsewhere in the house that the shock would cause her to swoon, and I would catch her, kiss her back to life and she would say, "my hero, how your manly stereo completes our country ensemble so elegantly".... but that didn't happen.  Why?  I don't really know...  I was sure the guy at the store told me it was nothing short of a guarantee...

By Tuesday morning it was all packed up and back at the store.  And I feel all gooey on the inside for doing something right.

By the way.  Don't set up a high-end stereo system with a three year old who can't sleep bouncing around the living room.  It's bad for EVERYBODY.  I generally don't lose my cool, I often look at these situations as "including my son in the lessons of life as a male" however in this case... well let's just leave it at that...

The same day I tweeted about how you should not necessarily involve your boys in the delicate art of curtain hanging either.  The story goes:

Feeling heroic, our humble hero, on gentle prodding from a glib and mechanical iPod reminder-banner decided that it was time to finally re-hang those curtains that had been sweeping the floors in our room for the better part of the past year.  Out came the drill-motor, and wall anchors, levels, and screw drivers.  The boys, fascinated by noise and the smell of gyp-rock dust, were like flies to a dung-heap... learning that not only is it okay to write on the walls, but you can drill holes in them as well.

Never - let me be clear; NEVER put your drill down with the 5/8" bit still in it if you're not okay with holes in your wall...  "But WHY Daddy?"  Also -- keep your pencil behind your ear at all times.  If it falls off, while you sweat-away holding the curtain-bar two feet above your head, thelevel in one hand while you balance precariously on a soft foot-stool, then STOP what it is you're doing and really think about if you are qualified to be doing this job.  Then extract the pencil from your 1yo old's mouth, and start again.

What lesson have we learned from Week 3?  Don't get cocky.  You might think that by the third week you are now super-dad.  You've got everything worked out, and nothing can surprise you.  Kids won't get hurt, you've got eyes in the back of your head... there's no way he'll put THAT in his mouth...